Thursday, September 20, 2007

That Hellion Ping Pong

In light of the new 2008 bicycles being received by shops across the U.S., and the multitude of shitty factory assemblies and broken parts, I figure it's time to out the crafty son of a bitch that is responsible for all the angst. And, that man is Ping Pong.

Ping Pong's true identity is a mystery, though, I imagine him to resemble Beggar So of Master with Cracked Fingers fame. Regardless, he lives in a bicycle factory in China and finds great satisfaction in tormenting bike mechanics the world over. He's a practical joker of gargantuan proportions and genuine pain in the ass.

Ping Pong's storied mischief is on par with Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez's long list of crimes. Which, leads me to believe that Ping Pong sleeps with one eye open and is likely immortal. His passion for discord is only matched by his affinity for good drink (as indicated by the wine cork we discovered in a bike box). His desire is not so much to anger, but annoy. He is a hellion.

Aside from his trademark shenanigans of crossthreaded stem bolts, seized hubs, and short cable housings, Ping Pong has taken some novel approaches that have elevated his game to a whole new level. Such as employing critters to shock and annoy when bike boxes are torn open. Or, installing bottom brackets that are too long to let you shift to the big ring. He'll even whack the fuck out of bikes in all sorts of obvious places with his crappy old cane. All of this adds up to time consuming fix its, part swaps, paint touch-ups, RA's, and beer swilling fits of exasperation.

I can't prove he's got anything to do with the lead-painted toys or poisoned tooth paste, but I have a feeling that he may be expanding his operations. Although I respect the man and admire the passion and playfulness he brings to his work, the bottom line is Ping Pong is one old, dirty bastard.

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