Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Lest Ye Be Judged

To look at someone and not judge them by their appearance is a unique gift indeed. I am not unique in this respect. Therefore, despite my best intentions to be a humble, open-minded cyclist, I judge riders by what they wear. Sometimes, cruelly so. I estimate their personality through the narrow lens of a simple head to toe once over and an ear for their introductory line. It's eery how similar my imagined person is to the real one.

First Impressions: Wears Spiderman underwear on lazy Sunday mornings, LOVES chocolate, gets a crimson moustache when drinking juice, has a wife that LOVES chocolate, always cleans his plate, walks bike across streets and intersections, knows a guy that has a friend that "raced" with Lance, favorite movie is Look Who's Talking.

Opening Line: "I have to go potty."


First Impressions: Reads the Wall Street Journal, has a bra on the front of his SUV, drinks a skim, extra whip, triple pump, double shot, caramel macchiato with four sugars, refers to his bike as "she", pays a guy to mow his lawn, doesn't own any tools, will be in the hospital in three weeks because he "never saw that fucker coming", favorite movie is Die Hard

Opening Line: "On your left!"


First Impressions: Virgin, has a bad case of the Powerbar shits, has lots of excuses for lack of results, chain has 10,000 miles on it, 30 minutes to change a flat, never buy a bike from him, bitches about his sponsor's lack of charitable swag, wore Crocs "way before anyone else", impressed by anyone with an SRM, favorite movie is The Fast and the Furious.

Opening Line: "Can't talk. Training."



First Impressions: High school physics teacher, still wears the shorts he bought with the helmet, will only fix bike with found parts, wears sweatpants when cold, wipes nose with nasty old handkerchief, has business card with the title "Tinkerer/Inventor", hangs out with other bearded folk, favorite movie is Back to the Future.

Opening Line: "I bought this a long time ago and it still works."


First Impressions: Dines regularly at Old Country Buffet, has a saddle bigger than most 5 year old children, really likes the idea of a recumbent, wonders why more people don't put flags on their bikes, rotates helmet backward to protect the back of the head better, doesn't get why bikes need "all those speeds", always shifts at worst possible moment, prefers milkshakes to beer, gummy bears serve as energy food, favorite movie is Garfield.

Opening line: "Mind if I tag along?"

4 comments:

gewilli said...

guy here at work that commutes has those ear things...

he actually hears shit sooner than anyone else cause all that wind noise is blocked out...

ya spot on with the rest of that stuff tho!

Strangelife said...

I've heard the Slipstreams's filter out noise pretty well. Though, I figured the headphones would cancel that feature out.

How does he prefer his coffee?

gewilli said...

The headphones... right - he doesn't usually use em but it is true...

he don't drink coffee... carries Iced Tea in his water bottles if he carries water bottles.

15 miles of his commute is bike path and on that path section the ear buds just sit inside there. provide ambiance and music (NPR Pod casts and what not) he can hear everything around as well as the sound.

A decent comprise that doesn't involve duct taping speakers to the handlebars (to avoid, as gwadzilla termed "iDeath")

Ari said...

I had a guy test ride a Carbon Ocr Giant with Sandals. I guess Sandals are good if you want to dry out some of that athletes foot that festers in between your toes in the long winters. I am glad to see that Nashbar is also making sandals that are spd compatible and that Shimano does not eat the whole pie by itself. I cannot get enough of Nashbar. I love the Pinarello with the Nashbar bag , pedals and wireless computer.
a.