Wednesday, June 27, 2007

How to Buy a Bike: The Mongoloid Way!

Oonga moonga!

If mongoloid want ride bike, it important know how to look for bike that good and strong and big. Me not scientist, but me know how pick best bike like crazy. Better than anyone you can know. Even better than bike shop people who know nothing and want money. So, me tell you secret of buying best bike the mongoloid way!

1) Never trust bike sale person guy. He only interested in proving mongoloid know nothing about bike and want show how smart in front of girlfriend.

2) Find bike in best color with big size. Cool name also important for look good.

2) Lean bike away and put foot on pedal (it help if have shoes) and push hard to side to see if bike strong. If frame move, then bike weak and should get discount.

6) Shift bike gears a lot to see if click good. Bike shop sale person guy say not good for not moving bike, but what he know? Do again when he say not do. This give upper hand in discount ask.

J) Flex brake levers many times for feel strong grab. Bike to be moving when do this. If not strong grab bike good for nothing but good discount for not have the safety.

coconut) Grab seat and roll bike to see if go straight. If go this way or that, then good discount make for sure.

31) When ready for ride test, ask for seat all down and point down too. This make sure bike cool and the balls not hurt too much.

B) Before ride test also get asking for helmet with bigness so straps not choke the throat much. If sale person guy say on backwards, he trying impress you girlfriend the two times with his smart.

7) Say girlfriend wait in car now for time to bike buy alone.

0) Now ready for ride test! Start bike by run fastly for getting speed. Put foot mark with "L" on pedal and move the foot mark "R" over seat that is there and make touch other pedal.

123456789) Go straight now and make shift to gear that is mark of "H" on the both sides. This best gear for the riding everywhere.

&) Test bike ride over the big objects and make jump. This shows handling the hard riding and good control for making you look like the pro.

4237) Make sure tires make black line when stop. Best stop is longest line that is black.

.1111522) When make best choice that bike good for buying, ask for new bike that not been riding. This really be best bike then!

2/3) Now ready to buy but must ask best discount and free helmet, lock, pump, bag, levers, and kickstand. If sale person guy say "no I will not" say other shop would do deal but want give sale person guy chance today for make great sale.

14b) If sale person guy still say no, tell not happy and missing lots of sale from friend that want best bike too.

-*/%) Still no? He tough cookie to break so give number if change mind and find good discount at shop next.

Wow! We did it to learn buy best bike mongoloid way! If not ride much, then not feel bad because good discount was got and bike also make good the clothes hanging to dry too!


kmeshberg said...

oh my god pete this is so funny. um sorry my bikes are dirty when I bring them in.


and for the entry below yes I think you will be faster than you were 10 years ago!

Nadie said...

Well said.