The Cobblestone guy
If it wasn't for him we wouldn't have a Paris Roubaix. Give this bad ass all the pints, frites, and mayonaise he can handle. Just don't ask him to write his goals for the year, or to "stay on message" (corporate jokes- if you know, you know.) He's liable to pave' over your souless shell of a body so the cows and pigs can shit all over your lame, "I saw it on E!", Red 7 tousled hair.